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A PLACE CALLED CANTERBURY
by Dudley Clendinen
Published 2008, Penguin Group
“Canterbury Towers...a microcosm of the New Old Age”
Dudley Clendinen, born and raised in Tampa, Florida, is a writer for the
New York Times, an editor for the Atlanta Journal Constitution, and the
author of several books. His editorials sometimes appear in the St.
Petersburg Times. He traveled back and forth between his home in
Baltimore and Tampa, attending to his Mother’s affairs at Canterbury
Towers where she resided after his father’s death. He eventually spent
more and more time at Canterbury and became well acquainted with the
fascinating characters that lived there.
The author observed that: “Postponing death is half the equation for
people at Canterbury. The other half is figuring out how to use the time
so that they’ll be glad they’re still alive”. He reported the daily
dramas of those he endearingly called Emyfish, Sweetso, the Rabbi, the
Duchess and others, events and situations that illustrate how these
geriatrics lived at Canterbury, anticipating death but furiously filling
up their remaining years.
Dudley’s battle to keep her on a budget to insure her money would last
was futile. Mother and most of her friends at Canterbury had lived a
life free of want or care. The Tampa Yacht & Country Club was the venue
for Mother’s crowd in their eighties and nineties. They dressed well for
dinner, enjoyed their cocktails and dined in the lovely blue carpeted
formal dining room, looking out over the bay, with “dyed and puffed and
purchased hair, tucked faces, lasered eyes, titanium hips and knees, and
propped-open arteries whooshing with miracle drugs, ....porcelain and
acrylic smiles ....waving as they spotted one another through trifocal
glasses and implanted lenses. They waved gaily or politely, if a little
stiffly (arthritis), and leaned close to make spirited, carefully
enunciated conversation---most of which most of them could hear if their
hearing aids were working right. Like Mother, some of them looked just
wonderful.”
This was his Mother’s lifestyle and she wanted it to continue. When her
husband lay dying in the hospital, Mother was there day & night those
two weeks and left only once to get her hair done. Dudley realized that
“this was the single most important appointment on the calendar of women
of her age and manners.”
Keeping up this lifestyle was the best way to push the envelope, staving
off the day of reckoning. Wilbur and Mary were trying to do just that:
Former neighbors and close friends of Dudley’s parents, their move to
Canterbury was orchestrated by their daughter Nathalie. Wilbur had
carefully packed eleven cases of liquor. One box of fancy bottles of
bourbon, vodka, rye and Scotch was marked “whiskey too good to drink.”
Wilbur had also carefully drawn a floor plan of the Canterbury apartment
to show the moving men exactly where to place each piece of furniture.
The only problem was his layout was flipped so that his room sketches
were all backwards, mirror images of the actual space. Wilbur paced back
and forth trying to see in his mind what was wrong with his plan, and
became so agitated and overwrought, his daughter persuaded him to lie
down before he had a stroke.
Wilbur and Mary entered into the social life with joie de vivre. Wilbur
was a convivial fellow, always stopping at dining tables telling jokes.
They had guests in for cocktails, and went out for the evening with
friends, always well dressed. But within a year, Wilbur lost the words
to finish the joke, lost his car, and was always losing Mary. He could
walk from one room where they both sat, to another and finding she
wasn’t in there, he would become disoriented and would go out of the
apartment looking for her. Once, he was standing by the elevator and his
eyes lit up when he saw Dudley. He tried to remember who Dudley was and
where they were, but in his mind he probably thought Dudley was still
the same boy who lived next door. So he said to Dudley, “How old are you
now?” Mary tried to cover for him and excuse him, but Wilbur caused so
many disturbing incidents in the dining room and elsewhere, he was
transferred to the nursing wing with advanced Alzheimer’s disease, and
Mary was devastated.
Most of the residents were well educated and articulate. Don’t believe
for a minute that the creative imagination of some seniors has
disappeared. They were shocked to the core that the 9/11 disaster could
happen on U. S. soil. Initially they reacted with horror, and as they
discussed the unfolding story of the perpetrators, they came up with
some amazing schemes of retribution. As he tried to imagine winning the
prize of seventy-two virgins, Ben finally said he’d rather have a couple
of experienced widows! The others agreed and this raised the mood of the
circle considerably. Then Karl suggested that when Osama bin Laden was
captured, they should give him a sex-change operation. Then send her
back to Afghanistan, to the Taliban! Brilliant idea, they all agreed.
At a birthday party for Ashby, he was given one of those calendars
published by a women’s club in England, composed of tasteful nude shots
of the club members. Sarah Jane proposed they do a calendar of the
Canterbury women, nude, average age eighty-two! Some signed on, but the
project soon died after they looked at themselves in the mirror without
their fine clothes, something they never did anymore. They remembered
only how they looked when they were fifty. Bridging the gap can be a
shock.
Places like Canterbury become the checking-in and checking-out hotel of
a long-lived life. These independent living residences are like a
sovereign nation with those in power and those who obey the rules. The
age range at Canterbury was 72 to 107...most residents never expected to
live so long. And at Canterbury many were close friends from childhood.
The elder elite society of Tampa Bay gathered there. But nearly everyone
had ‘senior moments’. “Was I supposed to call you about lunch or were
you going to call me? My memory has just fallen apart” says Emily Moody,
old family friend and Canterbury dweller. The staff at Canterbury was
ample but Mother felt she had to keep her long-time maid, Louise
---another safety-link to the past.
Working at Canterbury was like being on the household staff of a large,
sweet, absentminded, slightly privileged, gently eccentric family. The
staff catered to the residents and made them feel pampered. Coats and
ties were required in the dining room at night, and no wheelchairs.
Quite a row in the dining room one evening ensued when Emyfish brought
in a guest, her friend Millie who was in a wheelchair, transferred her
to a chair, and was seen by Elizabeth who felt called to battle. Words
flew.
Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales relate the 14th century travelers’ competing
stories of love, lust, marriage, hate, revenge and death. Clendinen’s
tales relate the Canterbury Towers 20th century travelers’ lives and
memories as they journey through the New Old Age.
The stories are hilarious, breath-taking, surprising, funny,
tear-stained, and so very very on the mark. Be sure to read the book if
you wonder what the New Old Age really looks like.
ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE: HELP AND HOPE
By Jo Huey
Published January 2001 by Alzheimer’s Institute
Ms Huey’s book focuses on why you need to
change, if you are caring for an Alzheimer’s patient.
CHANGE is not an easy thing you are
being asked to do.
CHANGE can
be difficult and stressful.
CHANGE and
you won’t feel so guilty. Read how this works.
Fuel
your resolve to understand something about Alzheimer’s Disease (AD) that
will help you see why you need to be the one to change. You’ll discover
something about yourself as well. You’ll learn why you feel so
frustrated, so despairing, so tired if you are the caregiver. This
little book by Jo Huey might be the key to your salvation:
“Alzheimer’s Disease: Help and Hope”...with Ten Simple Solutions for
Caregivers is available at bookstores. Huey explains in easy
terms why, if you hope to have a rewarding relationship with the
Alzheimer’s patient, YOU need to be the one to change. Jo Huey’s
website: is
www.alzheimersadvocate.com
First, the AD patient has
already begun to change ... and the change is permanent and
continuing....it doesn’t get any better, only gets worse. It is not the
patient’s fault, nor is it your fault. You cannot help Mom remember how
to get dressed...how to find her room...when she last ate a meal...where
she lives...why she can’t “go home”...why she asks you the same question
again and again... or who are you?
This regressive disease
erases memory backwards. The most recent is the first to go. And it
leaves a few isolated bits and pieces that make it all the more
confusing to you. If Dad remembers Alice came over last Sunday, but
doesn’t remember you were here too, don’t be surprised. That’s the
hit-and-miss part of the erasing. You can erase the word “remember”
from your vocabulary. It only upsets him and frustrates you.
Concurrently, memory is
impaired, but feelings and emotions are not impaired. What the patient
feels when you urge them to remember affects them much more than the
thing you want them to recall. Your tone of voice indicates your
displeasure with them because they didn’t remember to take their pills,
or failed to turn off the oven. Serious subjects to you, but
incomprehensible to them. The patient may feel embarrassed that you
have found out they are slipping”. Sometimes they react with truculence
or anger because you have accused them of forgetting. They need
reassurance, not scolding.
This little book describes
and illustrates “Ten Absolutes” to help the caregiver develop a
nurturing relationship with an Alzheimer’s patient. Briefly I will
mention three:
1. NEVER ARGUE. ALWAYS
AGREE
Now, how can you agree
when your sister says, I am back in a hospital, but you know she is at
home. She doesn’t remember that she was in the hospital for many weeks
as the result of a fall and later complications. Now she is at her
daughter’s home with Hospice care. But she insists she is still in the
hospital and wants to go home. You try to explain but she gets upset
and the two of you end up arguing. How much easier it would be to agree
with her that she’s in a different hospital. When she says I want to go
home, you can reply, “So do I” and change the subject.
Arguments over eating are
common. She doesn’t like the food, it isn’t salty enough, she’s not
hungry, and so on. Just agree with her and distract her by changing the
subject, talk about what you have planned for the rest of the day, or
the movie you just saw on TV, and as you talk, slip in a bite of food.
2. NEVER ASK THE
PATIENT TO “REMEMBER” INSTEAD, REMINISCE
Talk about old events and
people they used to know. Use a relaxed conversational tone not
inquisitive. Example: Mom says, “Where is June?” Her sister June, your
aunt, died last year. You want to say, “But Mom, why can’t you
remember? You went to the funeral in Nashville!”
Here, make a Change: You
could say, “I haven’t seen her lately but didn’t we always love her
cherry pies or was it mincemeat?” Mom might respond to that and if not,
you just continue talking of events connected to Aunt June long ago.
This may be familiar to her and she will feel happy and content. This
also gives you a clue as to what memories remain and the time frame she
is in. Then you can bring these in to divert her, and let her remember
happy times. It doesn’t even matter if what she remembers isn’t always
accurate. It makes her feel good to be talking to you about things
you don’t remember.
Suppose your neighbor
Diane comes over with a casserole. Mother had lunch about an hour ago.
Diane asks her if she has eaten. Mother says, “I didn’t have anything
to eat all week.” Diane frowns and looks at you. You want to defend
yourself and normally would say, “But she just ate a full meal an hour
ago.” What you might say is, “Oh, this casserole Diane brought looks
delicious. Let’s have a bite.” And then Mother might eat a little
which is fine. Mother’s answer to any question may be untrue or not
reliable, so try not to correct her.
3. NEVER SAY, I TOLD
YOU
ALWAYS REPEAT AND REGROUP
Dad is not dressed for
Church but asks if you are going to take him to the Bank.
You say, “I told you
yesterday we were going to Church this morning. Why aren’t you ready?
Now we’ll be late! And how many times did I tell you the Bank is closed
today and we’re going tomorrow?” He may not understand what you said
but your tone is loud and clear.
Make a Change: You might
have said, “Wouldn’t you know, it’s too late for Church but we can go
out for a nice breakfast if you like. The Bank will be open tomorrow
and we’re going then.”
Dad may ask over and over
again, "When are we going to the Bank?" Finances generally override
many other concerns of the elderly especially in the early stages of
Alzheimer’s, and even though he forgets other events, going to the Bank
is urgent in his mind. It’s the only thing he remembers right now.
Huey explains REGROUP like
this: when the questions persist, you need to try distraction and this
means YOU should leave the room. Go into another room and shut the door
so the patient cannot follow. Bury your face in a pillow and scream if
you have to. Then have a good laugh. (They call this “primal scream
therapy”.) Or just go out the door and walk around the house. Call
someone on the phone and talk about something else, or make a cup of
tea. This breaks the repeating behavior of the patient, and breaks your
mounting anger. Get out of that negative downward spiral. Later, when
you are no longer “losing it”, you need to reassure him, tell him you
are going to help him and show him by doing something he loves to do,
like singing a familiar tune or playing a simple card game. Take time
to learn what are his favorite things. Bribery works and you can use
those whenever you need to distract and redirect him
It never hurts to
apologize—even when you have no reason to apologize. Never embarrass or
shame the patient. It is the look on your face that tells them they
have done something wrong or stupid. Never let them know they said
something embarrassing . Never lecture, always reassure. Alzheimer’s
causes frontal lobe impairment and that’s where impulse control is. You
want to keep aggressiveness and combativeness under control. And
reassurance helps..
Sometimes it seems the
only attention from others is criticism of your hard efforts. They
simply don’t understand until they’ve walked in your shoes” for a day.
Try not to be defensive but do tell them how they can help Mother as
well as you. Be very calm and matter of fact. The patient will benefit
even if the one who offers help does things a little differently than
you do. Just be appreciative of their assistance in any way, shape or
form.
It helps to remember:
ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE
ELIMINATE THE NEGATIVE
And Don’t Mess with Mr. In Between.
Book reviewed by
Martha Lyons.
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GOOD NIGHT AND GOD BLESS
 By Linda Burhans, 2009
This precious story was hard to read and even harder to write about. Linda
Burhans’ path from her Mother’s good health to death bed, too narrowly parallels
my own recent journey on my sister’s downward spiral in her final weeks.
Jo McCauley was outrageous, fun-loving, high-spirited, ready to laugh and make
others laugh, and very loving. She surprised her family by announcing she was
moving to Florida instead of to the assisted living facility in West Hempstead,
New York that the daughters had chosen for her after exhaustive search. Linda,
who lived on Florida’s West Coast, was delighted. An apartment was selected at a
nearby retirement community and Jo quickly settled in. Not one to stay at home,
she was soon busy volunteering, going to the theatre and shopping. She regretted
not being able to wear her high heels anymore. She came to Florida in January
and in November of the same year was diagnosed with cancer. Jo McCauley lived
until December of the following year.
She held strong religious convictions and lived a life of doing for others. Jo’s
daughter Linda and her own unwavering faith sheltered her through the final days
and hours. She was blessed by experiencing a nod from the other side.
Linda, the loving and caring daughter, went with her Mother every step of the
way. The story is a tale of a lot of tears and even more laughter that
punctuated the journey.
Linda was determined that her mother would be loved and
cared for in her final months with family always there with her. Relating the
events, the hopes, the fears, the pure joy and peace she found, the author
reveals her deep and abiding love for her Mother.
Book reviewed by
Martha Lyons.
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DANCING WITH ROSE © Lauren Kessler 2007
Like a daytime soap, “Maplewood
90210—“The Old and the Restless”, plays out in this true narrative by
Lauren Kessler. She takes on a low paid caregiver job at the
Alzheimer’s home to better understand what her own Mother went through,
and to be able to write about it later.
Getting to know the patients, learning
their daily routines, and where they are “coming from” keeps Lauren busy
the first week.
Marianne ...the most “educated, erudite
and articulate patient” maintains her dignity and position as though she
never left her career as a university administrator. Her “brain now
working on autopilot”, she carries on conversations with Lauren while
waiting for an imaginary appointment to show up. When you’re around
these folks you play by their rules.
Hayes, one of the few men at Maplewood,
wants constant attention ---I’m itchy, I’m itchy, Rub my back ..Help me
Help me...” Still a charmer though, dapper looking ...his daughter
kept him in very nice clothes. He was a stoic man, but Alzheimer’s has
unleashed his voice. Ever the engineer, his questions never stop as he
demands to be told What’s next? What is that? What are you doing? Why do
I have to? His comments are often witty and right on mark.
Many are scared and angry all the time,
and others are passive, peaceful, acquiescent, doing what they’re told.
Ask Vivian what did she did yesterday and hear “we went out on a bus,
didn’t we? I wonder what we went out to see, well, we had a good time,
I know that ... it sure was fun while it was happening.”
Then there is Rose ... now a ghost
shuffling from room to room, taking someone’s socks, or laundry, or
teeth or glasses, and delivering them to the next room. An AM gal
always in motion. And can she ever dance! Hands and feet moving in
never-forgotten rhythm. Just ask her and you’re off for a whirl around
the “dance floor” wherever that might be.
When Lauren works the second shift, she
sees how nearly all are affected by “Sundowner’s syndrome” ... the
agitation, confusion, depression and delusions that come with the
setting sun.
As Hayes lets go of life, Lauren takes
us through the end stage, identical to the path I walked that final week
with my own sister.
The work is hard and
demanding...emptying colostomy or urine bags, changing diapers, wiping
butts, showering and shaving, dressing, feeding. With eleven patients
to put through their daily care plan and to keep track when they’ve
wandered off, Lauren seldom has a break. But she finds an “optimistic
view on what Alzheimer’s has to teach us....”
Take time to read this one.
Quotes are
from Dancing with Rose
Book reviewed by
Martha Lyons.
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WHEN
DOGWOODS BLOOM
An Alzheimer’s Story
By Demp
www.demppress.com
“JuliaMae was my mother, and this is the story of what I remember about her
and the progression of her Alzheimer’s disease.” This author lived through
a very difficult period in his Mother’s life. His recollection of
JuliaMae’s slide through the beginning and final end stage of Alzheimer’s
disease is a gripping, heartwarming love story. In every word you feel his
total love for her, his total giving of himself no matter what it took.
Demp visited his Mother every Sunday at home until she became unable to stay
alone. Then he cared for her in his own home, with the help of daycare and
then a variety of daytime sitters. As long as she was able to recognize her
old home, he took JuliaMae there every Sunday for their dinner. For many
months she enjoyed long rides in the car, visiting relatives in nearby
towns.
From his descriptions, you can just picture JuliaMae, a pretty woman,
strong-minded and very talkative. Her memories of growing up on the farm
were clear and detailed, but she could not remember what happened ten minute
ago. JuliaMae married a boy whom she befriended as other kids made fun of
his clothes. They were married for 53 years before Parkinson’s ended his
life. He had only a third grade education but he was a natural farmer,
smart and handy. JuliaMae recalled many fond stories about her husband and
about her parents often while she could still talk. JuliaMae looked forward
to seeing the Dogwood trees bloom: a happy memory of family gatherings at
that time of the year for the sheep-shearing. The older brothers and sister
came home to join in the work and receive their share of wool money.
JuliaMae’s son describes the early signs of her Alzheimer’s: occasional
momentary confusion that became a daily event, repeating herself, short-term
memory loss, making strange or inappropriate remarks, and paranoia. While
she was still at home, her son took care of paying her bills. The long
distance carriers seemed to change every month, as she just said OK to those
who called wanting her to switch. She could be sweet and happy, or
cantankerous at times. She could wear your patience thin … and one time her
son decided to tell her he couldn’t spend so much time with her. But as
they drove to his home for the weekend, she was so happy he didn’t have the
heart to say that to her. He decided it would be “stupid & cruel” and
resolved “never do or say anything that could be taken by her as an
indication that I did not want her to be around me.”
When he first took her home to live with him, Demp knew she would probably
be there for the rest of her life or until she had to go into a nursing
home. However, he became the ultimate caregiver … learning to feed her, to
bathe her, to dress her, to diaper her, to give her medications, to carry
her when she could no longer walk.
Demp was with her day and night during her last days in the hospital. As
good as some of the nurses are, he feels it is best to stay with the patient
full-time to watch for any change in condition.
JuliaMae passed away quietly in her sleep at the age of 81. In
telling her story, her son has written a handbook that anyone in a similar
situation should read.
Demp’s
love and devotion reminded me of a story on the internet told by a nurse: “
On a busy morning, about 8:30 an elderly man in his eighties arrived to have
stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an
appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat,
knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him. I
saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another
patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I
talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures
and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound I asked him if he had
another doctor’s appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The
gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat
breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health. He told me that she
had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer’s
Disease. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.
He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized
him in five years now, I was surprised, and asked him “And you still go
every morning, even though she doesn’t know who you are?” He smiled as he
patted my hand and said, “She doesn’t know me, but I still know who she
is.” I had to hold back tears as he left, and I had goose bumps on my arm,
and thought, “That is the kind of love I want in my life.”
True love is an
acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not
be.
Life isn’t about how
to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. And that’s ‘when the
dogwoods bloom.’
Book reviewed by
Martha Lyons.
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ANOTHER COUNTRY
..Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our
Elders
By Mary Pipher, Ph.D. Published by Riverhead Books 1999
"Adults have always worried about aging parents, but our current situation is unique. Never before have so many people lived so far away from the old people they love. And never have old people lived to be so old." The author speaks to this dilemma with reassurance and ideas to help us all. She talks about rescuing the very "people you thought were superhuman. To see your parents as vulnerable is hard. At the same time you feel sorry for yourself."
Elders feel frustration, conflict, guilt, abandonment, misunderstood; their children feel unappreciated, stressed and guilty. Feelings are hurt. Unrealistic plans or decisions are made by each side. Mary Pipher
illustrates these diverse problems with many stories throughout the book.
Mom in Nevada is dying of cancer. Daughter in graduate school gets fantastic job offer in large university on East Coast. The Dean is not sympathetic to her need for time to be with Mom. Should she pass up a great career job and find work in Nevada?
Daughter with two small kids, caring for faraway parents, one in the hospital, one in rehab in two different towns. Daughter considering Prozac.
Mom is in the hospital with heart attack. Daughter Karen finds herself facing across the bed her Mom's new husband. Karen doesn't need this extra stress right now.
Bill and Erma retire and move to Palm Beach to play golf, far away from daughter Ellen. Grandkids seldom see grandparents and hardly know them. Grandma Erma dies and now Grandpa Bill, who is depressed, ill, confused, wants to move back and be a part of Ellen's family again. Ellen is resentful.
"The young make many of the same mistakes the old do, but the young get excused while the mistakes of the old are not viewed as accidents but rather as loss of functioning ... and such mistakes have implications for their freedom."
Seniors were taught to be independent as they age, yet they need help and can't ask for it. Don't want to "be a burden" on those they love.
"The trick is for younger members of the family to help without feeling trapped or overwhelmed. And for the older members to accept help while preserving dignity and control."
"Adolescence is about the loss of childhood. Old age is about the loss of adult status and power. In both stages, the true self is isolated: in teenagers by a poisonous peer culture, and in seniors by the death of those who have common memories."
Parents of teens often feel hopeless; so do the children of old-old parents. Living into the 70's, 80's and 90's means have difficult choices to make about where to live. There are more options now than before, but how do you know you're making the right one? Another stress to deal with.
The author discusses physical boundaries ... many
necessary tasks may be embarrassing to both parent and child: changing
diapers, bathing, dressing, administering certain medical treatments. And
financial boundaries: Mom needs to let son know everything about her income and assets for long-term planning. Maybe Dad is afraid to let even his wife, let alone his son or daughter, know how wealthy he is. In his opinion his kids were always spendthrifts! Money must be discussed, no matter how difficult that is.
Decision: Do
I tell Aunt Clara she has bad breath? Should we move Mom from Evanston to Cincinnati so I can take care of her? Can I offer to help pay her bills? Mom wonders do I dare ask my daughter to drive me to church? Should I put my son on my checking account? Sometimes it's absolutely necessary to say, I'm taking your car keys before you have an accident .. or, I'm taking you to the doctor for treatment of that infected eye.
Jerry's Mom had Parkinson's and he tried to visit every week, but he worked over 60 hours and had two active teenagers. He hated to miss their ballgames, but felt guilty of he didn't go see Mom.
Cheryl's Mom was in a mental health institution in another state. Flying in to visit Cheryl encountered a bitter, complaining suspicious woman, always accusing Cheryl of something ... stealing her money, neglecting her, etc. Cheryl felt like checking herself in by the time the visit was over.
We need a new way of thinking about old age. Good information helps families
make good decisions together. Knowing our options helps us feel less alone, less
guilty, and more forgiving of one another. When we were young, our parents
didn't understand us. We were the ones from Another Country. Now our
parents are old and we don't understand them. The purpose of this book is to
help each generation understand the other. It accomplishes this serious task
with humor and good sense.
Book reviewed by Martha Lyons.
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LIVING IN
THE LABYRINTH
By Diana Friel McGowin
Published by Delacorte Press, 1993
Diana Friel McGowin
Can you
imagine that a woman suffering dementia is able to write a
book?
Diana Friel McGowin
did.
As a victim of
early-onset Alzheimer's disease, she tells an amazing story of her journey
through the labyrinth of Alzheimer's.
She wonders if the world is ready
for "An Alzheimer's Who Talks" much less "An Alzheimer's Who Talks
Back!"
But this tiny book found a wide
audience.
Here is a very brave woman struggling to make sense
of what is happening to her. Caught unaware by this devastating
disability, she reacts with disbelief and confusion.
Her struggle
to find an explanation for her disorientation, and how she learns to cope,
makes the story she relates so very interesting.
The journey begins with Diana's experiencing occasional bouts of
absent-mindedness, dizzy spells and slurred speech.
Then one day her husband Jack
calls home to ask her to bring him something to eat as he can't get
away from the office for lunch.
She gets the food together.
She goes to her car but hesitates. She is puzzled where to place both
her purse and the lunch box.
That solved, off she goes to his office and on the way she notices
a shopping mall she can't recall ever seeing before.
And then she passes a fire
station also new to her.
When she gives Jack his lunch, she remarks about the
new strip mall and fire station, and asks him when they were built.
Jack laughs and reminds her the
station and mall have been there for a long time.
This news upsets Diana and on the way home she
becomes increasingly agitated. Horns are blowing at her when she stops
at a green traffic light. She can't read the street sign.
Nothing looks familiar.
Still trying to get her bearings she finds herself hopelessly lost
out in open country.
After
asking directions back to her Orlando subdivision, she realizes
that she has been gone over four hours. She closes the drapes, locks
the doors, and curls up on her bed.
That's how Jack finds her when he gets home.
He calls Diana's close friend, Elise,
a nurse, who insists that she see a neurologist immediately.
The test results show no
change from her last MRI when she had a stroke several years ago.
The doctor suggests that she see a
psychologist. She is very unhappy with this lack of
diagnosis.
Two months later she is walking down the hallway at work and
suddenly the floor heaves and sways, pitching her against the wall. When
she gets back to her office, she doesn't recognize her coworkers, or even a
cousin who dropped in.
Finally she has to retire early from her paralegal
job.
Diana goes from doctor to doctor and finally learns
the diagnosis she dreads.
But she takes charge of her life without pity and tells how this
disease changes her life and her relationships with family and
friends.
Don't miss reading this enlightening and heart-wrenching little
book.
Book reviewed by Martha Lyons
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